Guest Review - Transformers

Yes, that’s right. Your eyes are not deceiving you. I am giving a review of half of a movie. Half because it was that bad, so the Verdict is: Not Guilty (its not like you would be surprised by the verdict if the undertone of the synopsis is negative/positive). But let me just say that I was very much disappointed. I cannot say that I was a huge Transformer fan as a kid. I didn’t believe in Transformers. I believed in characters like those special armed forces formed from an underground government conspiracy against an evil empire that is headed by a man with a silver head. I believed in an event that happened a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. But I could never grasp the concept of a world where humans and transforming robots co-existed, they were just too big and it would be just too dangerous.


Firstly I will say that the characters killed the movie. The acting was bad and the plot was bad. The movie was so PC typical and again non-believable. Firstly, and in no particular order, Megan Fox is hot; do we really believe that she would fall in love with the dork Shia Lebouf. Of course the movie makes her out to be a good-looking girl but hates her popularity. She had to shed her mechanic background because of the pressures of high school. Does this remind us of another movie character? I believe so. How about Marissa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny, hot chick who is a mechanic. Works in that movie, not this one! Secondly, does it have to be the beautiful blonde who is surrounded by all geeks that cracks the code of the aliens? Why? Only thing worse than that was that she had to get help from the fat funny black friend. Don’t mistake me for being a bigot but a girl who looks like that doesn’t parade in circles with doughnut eating black guys. I'm sorry, it just doesn’t work. I especially loved the part when the FBI raided the house four minutes after she got there like they were removing Elian Gonzalez from a closet in Miami.


Even the robots themselves were pathetic. The first words that come out of Optimus Prime’s voice box is “are you eBay user ladiesman217?” The movie was one big advertisement for eBay and Chevy.


The other thing that bothered me was brought to my attention from The Critic when he reminded me that some of the transformers were misrepresented. For example, Bumble Bee in the movie was the car that the guy buys for $4,000 (another thing, how do you sell a car to someone with no registration, title, etc…ok maybe im reaching here but its still ridiculous). Bumble was in fact a punch-buggie, not a camaro. Megatron was a gun, not a plane. I did think that they looked quite realistic in the scenes with human society however they were a little too bulky in my opinion. It was hard for me to see the detail of the robots as they fought each other. Everything went too fast and all the robots were dark metallic, which made it confusing to see who was who. One thing I remember about Optimus Prime was that he was red and blue. On the cartoon and the action figures his colors were really pronounced. In the movie, they were faded and couldn’t be seen too well.


Overall I thought the movie was bad enough to shut in the middle. Maybe there was too much hype behind it and my expectations were too high. Maybe I just didn’t have a real interest in the characters because I am a huge fan of Spider-man albeit I didn’t enjoy the third one too much. All in all…..A BOMB!!


-The Gaoler

Transformers verdict - NOT GUILTY

Thanks to The Gaoler for our first guest review